Ye Olde Science: Parts of my identity in stages

[mothwing]

After initial scepticism towards these rather rigid models I have to say that I can really see part of my experience in those stages.

Cass Model of Gay and Lesbian Identity Formation (1979)

"Coming out is a life-long process of exploring one's sexual orientation and Gay/Lesbian identity and sharing it with family, friends, co-workers and the world. Coming out is one of the most significant developmental processes in the lives of Gay and Lesbian people. Coming out is short for the phrase "coming out of the closet." Coming out means recognizing, accepting, expressing and sharing ones' sexual orientation with oneself and others."

Stage	Description	My personal experience
Stage 1: Identity Confusion	Personalization of information regarding sexuality. -Recognizes thought/behaviors as homosexual, usually finds this unacceptable -Redefines meanings of behaviors -Seeks information on homosexuality	Moth, age 12: “Something might be different about me. I have interests that other girls my age really don’t have. Maybe there's more in the library on my interests.”
Stage 2: Identity Comparison	Accepts possibility s/he might be homosexual. -Feels positive about being different, exhibits this in ways beyond orientation -Accepts behavior as homosexual, rejects homosexual identity -Accepts identity but inhibits behavior (ex: heterosexual marriage/anonymous sex)	Moth, age 13: “Something might be … off about me. I’m weird. This might be one of the reasons why I am bullied at school. What's weird about my interests? Seriously.”
Stage 3: Identity Tolerance	Accepts probability of being homosexual, recognizes sexual/social emotional needs of being homosexual -Seeks out meeting other Gay/Lesbian people through groups, bars, etc. -Personal experience builds sense of community; positively and negatively.	Moth, age 13: "Being weird is awesome. Universe, deal. I’ll be weird forever, and I'm glad that I'm different from those other people. Though it does get lonely sometimes - there's no one to talk to about this.”
Stage 4: Identity Acceptance	Accepts(vs. tolerates) homosexual self-image and has increased contact with Gay/Lesbian subculture and less with heterosexuals. -Increased anger toward anti-gay society -Greater self-acceptance	Moth, age 14: “Omg, there are others like me! I just met some, and they have the same interests I do! We talked about it for hours. I’ve never felt this… welcome. I also printed out some posters for my room. I wish more people could understand this.”
Stage 5: Identity Pride	Immersed in Gay/Lesbian subcultures, less interaction with heterosexuals. Views world divided as "gay" or "not gay". -Confrontation with heterosexual establishment -Disclosure to family, co-workers	Moth, age 14: “I started writing a story about people like us with friends. We’re unique and special and that's awesome, different from all those normal people. Mom, Dad, I have to tell you something.”
Stage 6: Identity Synthesis	Gay/Lesbian identity integrated with other aspects. -Recognizes supportive heterosexual others -Sexual indentity still important but not primary factor in relationships with others	Moth, age 15: “Being a trekkie will always be a relevant part of myself.”

Yeah. The homosexual part of my identity developed as follows:

Moth, age 20: "Oh, I have this girlfriend. Huh. Must mean I'm not straight. Well. World: this is my girlfriend." None of those coming out issues, to the point where I started self-consciously making a bigger deal out of my ~coming out~ as I would have, because apparently, that's The Way Things Are Done.

I'm glad that these rigid stage models have gone out of fashion, though it's scary how long they stay in the loop and keep being referenced, and not in the "LOL, look at this!"-way, though that'd be warranted in some cases imo, especially for models such as Scrivner's, who has "First relationship" as an integral part of identity acquisition as well as devaluating heterosexuality in one of the stages.