Roads to Safe Places

The Freedom books have a major subplot involving the female lead and the male lead, and they are also a pile of problematic in other ways. I have not slogged through the Dinosaur Planet books--they look awful--but I have fundamental issues with aspects of that universe (basically--there's a genetically engineered minority, the heavyworlders, who are then treated like crap and the narrative and heroines pretty much go with it because the heavyworlders are, indeed, ~barbaric~. "Good" heavyworlders are those who look and act more like lightworlders.

The first two Harper Hall books are pretty good--I think McCaffrey's best books, actually--there is a romance, but I don't recall it being a huge plot point. The third is primarily about a male character; it was okay. They have some flaws, but overall are pretty fun.

I think you can read The Shattered Chain and sequels without prior Darkover familiarity--that may have been where I started. Darkover has a ton of problematic aspects, but it was kind of the fiction of my teenage id. (I wouldn't call most Darkovan society Gorean--it is more an exaggeratedly feudal patriarchy--but I would not be surprised if the Drytowns are based on Gor, and I think one of the Renunciate books may have had some "freeing women from the Drytowns" plot...I don't remember.)

Some other ideas (mostly YA, because that's mostly what I read...):

Ellen Kushner's The Privilege of the Sword doesn't really have a romance. The heroine has a bit of a romantic friendship with another girl about her age, and a bit of a crush on a boy about her age, but nothing comes of either of those--the book is really about her learning to be a duelist.

I am hesitant to recommend Elizabeth Moon these days, but a lot of her space opera heroines have no love plot or only a very low-key side romance. Her fantasy heroine Paksenarrion is a celibate paladin (although those books were, iirc, very grimdark and also very D&D-inspired; I didn't like them much).

For young adult, Tamora Pierce's Protector of the Small quartet heroine Kel has a few crushes and brief romances, but ends up single at the end; the books are really about her career.

The first few of Tanya Huff's Valor books, Torrin has a couple flings, but no serious romance. The main plot is military SF. I didn't love them, but they were okay.

Karen Cushman's medieval YA novels don't have romance, although they are all very similar.

IIRC, Cindy Pon's Silver Phoenix didn't have an overt romance, although it's an implied possibility.

Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan doesn't have romance for either its female or male protagonist. I haven't read Behemoth yet, and I have a distressing feeling that when Deryn reveals that she's a girl, there will eventually be romance. I rather hope not, though.

Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass doesn't have a romance, although the sequels do (I love TGC; I'm lukewarm on the others).

Nnedi Okorafor's Zarah the Windseeker has no romance, although it is also juvenile fiction (the protagonist is old enough that she might be given a crush in a different book, though).

Marie Rutkowski's Cabinet of Wonders doesn't have a romance; I haven't read the sequel.