Ridiculous

Alas, and I thought I had left those phases of this depression-like state I kept having when I was a teenager behind me. Wrong! It's back.
Joy.
Well, perhaps it is a real one this time, who knows.
All I know is that at the moment I am tired, filled only with this weird helpless emptiness, drowning in a feeling of self-pity and a strange, nagging sourness. Just what I needed! I have to complete two essays, and all I feel like is curl up on the bed and moan about the state of the Universe, and humankind, and evolution in general. I cannot be content. Not with my life, not with me, or anything else. I don't know what contentment or satisfaction is anymore. Instead of altering what I do not like about my life I keep wailing about what it should be like. In fact, I don't really DO anything. That is SO incredibly stupid. But somehow I do not seem to be able to. Trying to fill this emptiness I run. Just like I kept doing as a teenager. And here am I, thinking that some years and development have brought me far away from this behaviour. Wrong again, I keep running away.

Mostly to the fridge, it seems. And I do fill the emtpiness. With chocolate. Yes, of course four extra pounds will definetely make me a lot happier! I should eat another piece. *siiigh* Teenagers should not be twenty.

I either need a therapy after all or just a good kicking. This is all so ridiculous.

Im Nebel

von Hermann Hesse

Seltsam, im Nebel zu wandern!
Einsam ist jeder Busch und Stein.
Kein Baum sieht den andern,
Jeder ist allein.

Voll von Freunden war mir die Welt,
Als noch mein Leben licht war,
Nun, da der Nebel fällt,
Ist keiner mehr sichtbar.