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Home Again...
Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 01:59 amAfter long holidays, I am back home again.
The semester is going to start this week, and there is still a bit of work to be done, but on the whole, I have finished everything and am waiting for it all to start again, still desperately trying to sort out my plans for the future.
Am I glad that I'm back?
No.
Am I looking forward to the new semester?
In a way, yes, but on the whole... No.
Am I properly prepared for the courses I am going to take?
No.
Am I sure of what I am doing at the University? Is there any kind of overall plan?
Nope.
Do I know what the heck I am doing here at all?
Well... No.
In short, my life is what it has always been. "Semester" means horrible amounts of work for a subject which, strictly speaking, no one needs and everyone wants to study for some reason.
I keep wondering why. I know why I am studying it, and I feel rather confident with what I'm doing. There are so many more people who far less of a clue of what it is they are studying... "Book? The thingy with the pages?"
"Semester" also means being deprived of people I love and whom I can only see in the holidays. Sigh. I really hate that. In primary school and even in later years, it feels as though one would always be together, see each other every day at the Uni - as if everything was going to stay the same forever. A lot of those friends have moved away into distant cities. All this seems to have happened in such a rush... where are the last three weeks? Come to think of it, where is the last year? SO much has happened. Exactly twelve month ago I cautiously tried to get to know two people who were to be two of the best friends I have, have ever head and will ever have. Time is so strange - a freezing current at times.
Right now everything is peaceful - it is dark, and like always, the night has given us her silent gift and lets every living being near me rest. No one is in the streets. The same old, changing moon is shining brightly outside my window, I can see at three constellations I know and more which I don't know, the air is warm, there is a feeling of spring in it...
My life is still not what it could be.
I think I had better go to bed, reading this. This is not the time for my sugar-addled brain to be working.
The semester is going to start this week, and there is still a bit of work to be done, but on the whole, I have finished everything and am waiting for it all to start again, still desperately trying to sort out my plans for the future.
Am I glad that I'm back?
No.
Am I looking forward to the new semester?
In a way, yes, but on the whole... No.
Am I properly prepared for the courses I am going to take?
No.
Am I sure of what I am doing at the University? Is there any kind of overall plan?
Nope.
Do I know what the heck I am doing here at all?
Well... No.
In short, my life is what it has always been. "Semester" means horrible amounts of work for a subject which, strictly speaking, no one needs and everyone wants to study for some reason.
I keep wondering why. I know why I am studying it, and I feel rather confident with what I'm doing. There are so many more people who far less of a clue of what it is they are studying... "Book? The thingy with the pages?"
"Semester" also means being deprived of people I love and whom I can only see in the holidays. Sigh. I really hate that. In primary school and even in later years, it feels as though one would always be together, see each other every day at the Uni - as if everything was going to stay the same forever. A lot of those friends have moved away into distant cities. All this seems to have happened in such a rush... where are the last three weeks? Come to think of it, where is the last year? SO much has happened. Exactly twelve month ago I cautiously tried to get to know two people who were to be two of the best friends I have, have ever head and will ever have. Time is so strange - a freezing current at times.
Right now everything is peaceful - it is dark, and like always, the night has given us her silent gift and lets every living being near me rest. No one is in the streets. The same old, changing moon is shining brightly outside my window, I can see at three constellations I know and more which I don't know, the air is warm, there is a feeling of spring in it...
My life is still not what it could be.
I think I had better go to bed, reading this. This is not the time for my sugar-addled brain to be working.
