Packing up my life in boxes...

[mothwing]

I hate moving. 

I hate moving away from here. 

I hate moving because it always feels as though I leave more behind than the destination where I'm headed will give me back. How much worse is it going to be when I move away from here? 

I have been truly happy here. Truly, truly happy. I have hated being here, I have hated living in this flat, at times, even hated living with Crocky and not being alone. It was not perfect. And yet, there was a reason to get up every morning. 
There are just no words to describe it. It would end up in overly dramatic reveries if I tried. And even more sappiness. It was not perdect, but it was happiness more intense than anything I have felt before. 

I am trying to kid myself into believing things will be just as well when I get back home, but home is no longer home and I have no idea what it will be like when I move back into the house which was my home for most of my life. I have missed the people, but I have not missed the city. I love Hamburg, but not because of what it is and because of all the things which make it the greatest city, but merely due to the fact that it was the first city I ever lived in and the only city I ever wanted to live in. Still, it has always been just a place. 

Glasgow is home. 

And now?

The life of a year, three boxes. To cut the weight, I had to part with a lot of my notes, even more than I already had thrown away. Which was not good, because I am a nostalgic sissy. I cried when I threw away my notes from Psychology. I know that should I ever revise the stuff we have been doing I am far more likely to read the book than the notes, however concise and precise they may be. I cried when I threw away my Russian stuff and cursed myself for being so nostalgic about a class. I have kept Literature because it may come in handy, the same goes for Language. It might be useful. The books are the biggest problem, they are the reason why there are three boxes, otherwise there would be only one and my clothes would go in my suitcase and not join the books in the boxes. One box. One year. And a huge pile of paper which will end up in the bin.
I don't want to go back. I don't want to leave, ever. I want to stay buried in that flat in the Lowlands in Glasgow and hear, wherever I go, this language washing over me, melodious and soothing like rain. 

My mother called yesterday and said in that slightly sarcastic, slightly sympathetic voice that in the remainder of the time here I could "Go round and say goodbye to everything". Yes, I will do that.

Enough moping now. Crocky is planning our Highland tour and the library is closing in twenty minutes, as the voice from the speakers tell me. 

Comments

[fourthage.livejournal.com]

Everything looks so forlorn! *hugs*

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

[firenightingale.livejournal.com]

It's always sad to leave somewhere. I've always coped with it by reminding myself that I can always come back! As much as we can love where we are, if nothing ever changed then we'd start to feel stiffled. Change is part of life and some of the most traumatic transitions in my life have been the ones I've looked back on in retrospect & gone 'Thank goodness that happened!'

Hugs & best wishes.

x

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

Well, one thing is certain, I will always look back on this year as the the happiest time in my life. Not that that is so much of a big deal, with 23. :D

*hugs*

[count-tygath.livejournal.com]

You just don't know how deeply I understand you and every last feeling you share in this post. About what "home" really is and is not. You know what I'm talking about, right?

Make sure you live every moment that remains over there to the fullest, but I know you do.

Anyway, when you're back here, I've been planning a little surprise for you during the last few weeks. :)

Hope to catch you online one of these days to talk a bit, my messenger seems to be crap. You once asked about offline messages, doesn´t seem to work properly. Did you get any of mine?

I miss you... *hugs*

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

Actually, I don't. :D I am not very good at seizing anything, and I'm still packing. >D

But we'll go on a Highland Trip in a bit and then, yes, THEN...

See you soon.

[count-tygath.livejournal.com]

Oki, I'll write you anyway, then you'll know. :D
At least one last letter till you're back.
I have so many unfinished parts here, and I always kept revising and adding, you know... Time to make one decent paper out of them and put them together. ;)

Sorry I almost never was online lately, and I also promised you so long ago to write back on your last letter... There's so much I wanna tell you... I'm so sorry... I did always check in here, though. :)

When I was online I think sometimes my messenger really crapped... No offline messages lately, except for one when you tried to reach me last, and I'm not sure you did receive any of mine... Even if we're talking, you're always displayed offline here and it only blinks when you send a message... Seems to be a thing with this web-icq-thingy...

Anyway, have fun on your hiking tour.
*Yay* for some more time in this beautiful landscape out there, and lots of nice pics afterwards. Ahem. :)

Btw: working on my next bigger bugbitten-upload too, just haven't finished the diary part, that's why I haven't told you yet. The Lueneburg pics you wanted to see some time ago. :)

See you soon. *hugs*