Family

[mothwing]

This is not really new, but the thing really gets on my nerves every time I see it, which is a lot, because someone decided that subway stations really need this poster.


(On the photo: "I'll learn how to crawl with my Mummy, and how to walk with my Daddy." - although the blog I took this photo from already changed those. -- Under the photo: "The new family benefits. With parental benefits and tax benefits for childcare expenses. (web address)") (c) Der VÄTER Blog


Of course it's good that our government wants to support families. Of course I like the fact that there are programmes that supports families financially, taxes are high enough so that tax benefits come in handy especially for young families with little money. Of course I think active fathers are a good thing because there are far too many absent fathers in families with married parents already.

Of course.

And I never thought I'd mind, because I did not use to care a lot about those stereotypical images, but seeing those images of family perfection, of a man, and a woman, and a baby in the media over and over again makes me feel curiously excluded. As I said, I never thought I'd mind, and in a way, it's ridiculous, as I did not feel excluded when I was a single woman, and I did not feel excluded only half a year ago when I was not thinking seriously about my future and possible families.

One thing is: any future family I can imagine now will never consist of me, a man, and a baby.
If I become pregnant, IF, it will not just happen in any "natural" way, it will not be the result of an accidentally split or an absent durex according to plan, the way they want their families to be.
Starting a family will involve a host of very expensive doctors, probably, quite possibly abroad, a lot. It will involve adoption services, a lot. It will involve the state and lots of paper work and possibly even stern looks from the person on the opposite of the desk, a lot.
And not one of those people who came up with the idea of the poster is going to make it easier for my possible family and others that are not like that image they chose to conjure up.

Another thing: the stereotyping is revolting. Even if I were in a hetero-relationship I would hate the fact that the poster makes mothers once more the nurturers and protectors of the newborn while the fathers are responsible for taking them out into the world. Bah.

Comments

[dstroyrofworlds.livejournal.com]

Another thing: the stereotyping is revolting. Even if I were in a hetero-relationship I would hate the fact that the poster makes mothers once more the nurturers and protectors of the newborn while the fathers are responsible for taking them out into the world. Bah.

Another thing I can't cope with.
Another reason for my depression.

How could I ever feel worthy and at home in a world that does things like that? can anybody tell...?

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

Oh, Mesa, absolutely understandable! I could never bring the way I see myself close to this society's concept of women. I guess it's part of the reason why I feel so open to the idea of possibly being "third gender" rather than "female", there are no silly standards to live up to, as there are none at all.

[dstroyrofworlds.livejournal.com]

What that that term "third gender" describe and where did it come from?

You know, my major problem is not that the world is that way but that I have not grown up with such images. I don't really know.
My parents just really managed their goal to raise us in the believe that we are all humans and worthy. I never heard the word "Gleichberechtigung" in my whole life as a child and the idea that people could be more different (beside the obvious fact of one having a penis and one having a vagina) never occured to me.
And now I am here.
And get paid less than a man. But why? Because I am what? A woman?
And they say I can't do science things well. Because of what? Because of being a woman.
And they think of me as bad when I get children and work at the same time. And they think of me as bad when I get children and stay at home all the time. And they get even madder when I don't get children - but wouldn't pay me the 30% more salary (although I would not miss any minute in my job since i have no children) either.

Honestly, some time in the development of our kind and culture something must have gone really, really, really wrong.



Godammit. How I hate this world.

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

It describes someone who feels they are neither male nor female. Or both. Or a man in the body of a woman. Anyway, someone whose gender/sexual identity cannot be put into the binary categories of "male" and "female", who feel that they are "other", or: third gender.

The original use of the term was apparently coined by someone trying to offend feminists (a feminist being "third gender" by virtue of being a neutre with the psyche of a man, you see, at least according to... what's name, ah, Ernst von Wolzogen in his 1899's novel). I've first heard the term in my Psych class and loved it ever since. Wiki offers a really good summary here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_gender).

I'll think of you badly when you start listening to that shite! :P The people who are the ones complaining have absolutely no idea that there is no ideal way, it's something that everyone has to decide individually, whatever anyone says. This generation will have to live without any form of guide line and will have to learn to rely very strongly on their own decisions and feelings as there is a severe shortage of role-models, and no really good advice because everyone's cases are so different - although there are plenty of people who are all too willing to give advice.

Yeah, I know that feeling. I've never had a concept of... I don't know, the idea that some people could be superior to others, and I was shocked to find out others did, very much so, and the gross results that has. I absolutely can't understand how people can have such a limited view of people even now. Sigh. In the little idealistic corner of my mind I wish everybody in the world could just all wake up one morning and not even have the cognitive ability to consider that some humans are better than others. Well, that ain't gonna happen.

Me, too. I still hope that those cognitive fossils are dying out, and that things will get better. They already are getting better, maybe not yet, maybe not here, but if other countries can make it, I don't doubt that it'll happen here, too. Eventually. I hate the fact that everything in Germany takes twenty years longer than elsewhere.

[dstroyrofworlds.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the info.

Don't worry, I don't listen to people who know what's right for me.
They just rule my life. That's all.
No, honestly, they are part of the reason why I can't stand living anymore. I have gone through too much pain and now I need a therpist to tell me how to deal with a world in which everybody seems to get angry at me simply because I don't behave how they'd have.
Tell me, how would you feel here?:
I started doing sports. Every second day I do at least one hour of Nordic Walking which is even a trendy sport. But almost every time, not exaggerating here(!)), I get laughs, or sympathic or mean looks from the people doing jogging or biking and sometimes even from the people who are only going for a walk. One time someone, a fat man on his oh-so-sporty-bike in an oh-so-sporty-(butmakesonelookfatnonetheless)-biking-dress shouted at me as he rode by Come on, this is no REAL sport, is it?!?! Hahaha!. Asshole.
I CAN NOT EVEN GO DOING SPORTS WITHOUT PEOPLE THINKING THEY'VE GOT THE RIGHT TO PESTER ME WITH THEIR SHITTY OPINIONS ON WHAT IS *BETTER*!

I am telling you: as soon as I find out who invented the comparative and superlative degrees, I'm going to kill them or at least flame their graves.

I am not for censoring. Please, they might give me their opinion although I did not ask for it....but they all really have to learn HOW.


By the way: dying out seems good to me.
I think it's already happening somewhere, in some "social corners" of our society in the Western world as well.
However, it's damn hard to live in a world in which it is clear that nothing is "ideal" but which causes (does it really?) that everybody suddenly thinks theirs is the closest to ideal.
I guess since 1950 there has not been a lot of time to learn that things can go horribly differently and go WELL in MANY ways, that none leads to failure always.

All of us need some lessons in tolerance.
I guess we just hit the first stage: noticing the differences.
And now make it to the second one: fear the differences.
I am curious what the next development stages will be.

Until then: never forget - we're all peacocks!

[duckygirlrocks.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

I'm too scatterbrained right now to say anything remotely wise, so I'll just give hugs!

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

Rocky!!!! Hi! How are you, dearest? :)

Thanks for the hugs. Always appreciated. *hugs back*

[duckygirlrocks.livejournal.com]

Hee! I'm good!!

Don't get me wrong, our conservative government has fossilized ideas of family as well, but new concepts are being nodded to at least. And as Sil said, many programs mention the family unit in different terms, because love in the family is what actually matters. I love that!

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

I wish we'd be more advanced over here, but everything has to be tested and tried abroad before we go for even the most obvious changes over here. It's pretty frustrating. Even mentioning that there are other kinds of family in something other than comedy programmes would be a good thing!

[shady-sedai.livejournal.com]

good grief "Crawl with my mother and walk with my father"??

HA!

Why not something like, "engineering with my mother and cooking with my father?" or perhaps

"cooking with my grandmother and dancing with my mother"?

or

"journalism with my mother and cartography with my other mother?"

I really, REALLY love the fact that shows aimed towards children here mention frequently and casually that a family can consist of two mothers or two fathers, or grandparents, or adoptive parents or any combination you can think of.

I agree that it's a sucky poster. :(

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

That's too modern for our dear conservative government. They think that the reason of all the problems is the divorce rate rather than their fossilised concept of "family" (Man. Woman. Baby (/ies). Fullstop.) that turns this country in one of the family-UNfriendliest places in the world. Still, they want a world in which that's the only kind of family and are absolutely blind to the fact that it ISN'T, and never will be, or ever was, in fact. Idiots.

I love to see those slogans you had on posters, though!