IDK, maybe this is hard? Someone tell me.

[mothwing]

OK, maybe this is harder than I thought and not as much a matter of common sense.

Let's imagine you are having a fight with someone and they suddenly really, really do not want to have a conversation with you that moment. Now imagine they are walking away from you.

At this point, how do you react?

- physically pull them back towards you and keep them there.
- let them go away and try again later.

From the position of the person trying to get away, what do you think is the preferrable option?

EDIT: are there any circumstances that make this believable behaviour that you'd be comfortable with and wouldn't make you go "wtf was that", as long as we're still talking to characters who are equals?

I can't believe that this is something that's an issue with adult film makers when filming scenes in which two non-abusive heterosexual adults who are in a relationship are having a heated discussion.

Comments

[lordhellebore]

The person who'll physically pull me back will find themselves slapped hard...

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

In the movie, it entices her to kiss him a couple of scenes later. This is not a movie from the fifties, either, and apparently she's wicked impressed at that point and even plays along with his bullshit for a while. Even though, you know, the fact that she's a very independent person and knows what she wants and that she's prone to physical violence herself when provoked make it jarringly unlikely that she'd put up with that.

[fourthage.livejournal.com]

Is this a trick question? I can't think of anything that would make me more likely to invalidate what the other person was saying. From a purely utilitarian standpoint, it's counterproductive. From all other points, you do not physically coerce another person unless their life is in immediate danger.

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's what I though. IDK, though, maybe they missed that day in kindergarten?

In this case, I think it was meant to be funny, and I guess that unless you're crazy into people being treated with respect, you wouldn't even notice.
And I'm sorta wondering why that is.

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

Option 2, from both sides. Gah, I can't believe people think there's another option.

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

But what if it's funny. And what if you really, really need to show that the person being pulled is not as in charge of a situation as the other person? And what if that person being pulled around is someone who is usually being pulled around so nobody would notice or care? You make this sound so easy when it's really this complicated, tricky, tricky issue!

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

Let me think for a second--hmmm.

Still no!

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

But but but what if they don't complain. And don't seem to mind. And kiss you later on. That makes it ok, right?

Yeah, I'm with you. And kinda pissed off about this, and how, idk, normal this is apparently. And supposed to be, because it wasn't a big deal in the movies. Like female-on-male violence for comic effect - it's everywhere and apparently accepted as funny.

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

Yeah--there was a scene in Doctor Who recently which I think more people would have read as sexual assault if the genders were reversed (but maybe not, if the man is sufficiently hot, who knows?). Someone made a great post about it and seems to have been trolled into locking down their entire blog, with the usual arguments--"Men can't be sexually assaulted by pretty women! They always want it!"

For me it brought up memories of being sexually harassed by another girl in high school. Ugh. If someone says no, if someone doesn't want to be touched--well, you respect that!

[mothwing.livejournal.com]

Uuuugh, I hate how pervasive it is to overwrite the actual experience of assault survivors with stereotypes about gender and clothes. Also, how difficult it apparently is to negotiate consent. How hard can it be to just ask? Why is it always portrayed as and apparently also considered to be incredibly awkward and ~unromantic~ to ask for consent? Gnah.

[holyschist.livejournal.com]

I don't know! I think it was partially played for laughs--"Oh, isn't it funny how aggressive Amy is! Look at the Doctor's hilarious discomfort!" which....ewwwwwww.

Bad taste in mouth.

It was one of those cases where yeah, my feeling of physical threat would be smaller if the other person was about my size, as women are more likely to be, and I think a lot of people look at it and see that she can't physically force him into anything. But the emotional/psychological threat is pretty much the same from my POV.

I think I just really don't like aggression, especially sexual aggression, played for laughs. I think it's a dangerous message to send.